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How not to review

I checked my email a little while ago and received a whole bunch of notifications from fanfiction.net saying that there were reviews on my short story collection A Teacher and a Housemaid. "Ok, that's weird," I thought, because no one reads those. So I go to ffnet and look through the reviews. They were all left by a Guest, and while the first couple were more than five words long, they quickly degenerated. I plan to delete them all soon, but they were strange enough that I wanted to record them here for posterity. Enjoy!


(Stories listed in the order they're listed on ffnet, which is narrative chronological except the most recently-written one is last, so you get the full effect of the comments.)



(Hm, maybe I should hire this person to write my story summaries. "This story is full of pronouns and describes how wet paint feels.")

(I should note, all of these reviews were left about 1-3 minutes apart. Pretty darn fast reader considering most of these are 2000+ word stories. He didn't understand "A Proper Doctor" at all.)


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Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
shyfoxling
Dec. 29th, 2014 12:54 am (UTC)
Huh.

I dunno if you watch The Daily Show, but I feel like I've just seen "Here it is, your moment of Zen."
shivver13
Dec. 29th, 2014 01:23 am (UTC)
Yes, that about sums it all up perfectly.
flowsoffire
Dec. 29th, 2014 07:23 am (UTC)
*giggles* Welcome to FF.net all over again, darling.

I love how at first it seems like the person is trying to make interesting reviews and just awkward at it, and then it's like they're slowly starting to think of it as a school assignment and consider you need them to tell you what the story is about XDDD You really get that "FML, it's 3 AM and I don't want to be doing an English paper right now" vibe o.O

shivver13
Dec. 29th, 2014 08:37 pm (UTC)
It definitely has the feel of someone who feels they *must* write something, doesn't it?
flowsoffire
Dec. 30th, 2014 07:04 am (UTC)
Definitely!
dtstrainers
Dec. 29th, 2014 08:24 am (UTC)
I always wonder when I see comments like that if the person is a native English speaker. Maybe the awkwardness is just trying to comment when you barely understand what you've read. I dunno- just trying to figure it out.
shivver13
Dec. 29th, 2014 08:38 pm (UTC)
Actually, it definitely felt to me like the person is not native English speaker.
toffy346
Dec. 29th, 2014 10:45 am (UTC)
The person might have challenged themselves :D

But that looks quite ridiculous.
shivver13
Dec. 29th, 2014 08:44 pm (UTC)
Here, have an adjective! On the house!
toffy346
Dec. 29th, 2014 09:19 pm (UTC)
Your comment is full of... adjectives. No. Lol. I guess it's a new joke.
shivver13
Dec. 29th, 2014 09:43 pm (UTC)
Because trees!!
toffy346
Dec. 29th, 2014 10:12 pm (UTC)
And this describes the comment. *giggles*
a_phoenixdragon
Dec. 29th, 2014 06:22 pm (UTC)
I don't know whether to laugh, marvel or beat my head repeatedly against a hard surface...just...what?!
shivver13
Dec. 29th, 2014 08:44 pm (UTC)
My favorite is definitely "This chapter is full of adjectives."
a_phoenixdragon
Dec. 29th, 2014 09:48 pm (UTC)
That was what finally had me cackling with laughter. Must say, that is my favorite one as well...*grins*
doctorxdonna
Dec. 30th, 2014 01:39 am (UTC)
Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

I'm so lost right now. What an odd series of comments.
shivver13
Dec. 30th, 2014 07:12 am (UTC)
I almost feel like leaving them on the stories, just so that anyone who reads the reviews will get to have a good laugh. Not to mention they push my review count up. ;)
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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